A Survivalist Guide to NYFW Week: Flex Edition

By Shay  (IG: shay_neezy)

 

NYFW came to a close last week and yes this regular shmegular (Cardi B voice) girl has invaded the elusive world of fashion, bringing you a 10-step guide to flexing like a front runner during fashion week.

 

  1. Wear Chanel.

 

“They” don’t want you to wear Chanel, so “we’re” going to wear Chanel.

 

Ask DJ Khaled he’ll tell you.

 

  1. The Art of Schmoozing

 

First, determine who is worthy of the schmooze. Usually determined by ah nothing…talk to every last anyone in that room!!! I mean someone has to know someone that can put you on.

 

And…second, keep the conversation light. Talk about all the designers who you love, yet still can’t afford to buy…after 6 years, a Master’s degree and $80,000 worth of student debt; keep America great, right.

 

  1. How to finesse your way into a party you weren’t invited to?

 

I mean sometimes you just have to grab life by the “balls”, you know.

 

But… if that’s not quite your forte then use the age old adage, MFF. Make Fast Friends: Can you get me in or Not? If all else fails, know that back doors exist. Get in where you fit in, ju feel me?

 

  1. Seating is Everything.

 

Which basically means, the FRONT ROW is EVERYTHING.

 

And why you might ask? ah… for scoring swag bags, getting a classy Getty image of yourself and of course bragging rights all over social media. Now if you aren’t VIP status yet and you happen to find your seating arrangement in row C-3, be sure to remember the “casual ease” approach.

 

  1. To Be or Not To Be Yourself

 

If you think you’re trying too hard, you probably are, and…we can all tell.

 

Now there is something to be said for originality and personal style, but there is also something to be said when it looks like a lime green highlighter threw up on the skirt, that you paired with frilly lace socks, bleach blond hair & black roots, and a London flag neck scarf. These ensembles need to be fact checked by a “real friend”, boo boo.

 

  1. BOBBY SHERMAN is Everything!!!!

 

If you must name drop, Bobby Sherman, Every Time.

 

  1. Models have AMAZING skin…or do they?

 

Botox, lasers, and witchcraft Oh My!

 

We may have wished on a star for one or all of these things at a certain point but embracing natural beauty was all the rage in this seasons shows. The models were beautiful, and looked much like we’d imagine them to, crater faced and all.

 

Remember, less is more ladies, so please refrain from the engineered contouring look that seems to be so popular now-a-days.

 

  1. How to talk about nothing, but sound like you know everything.

 

Extemporaneous speech… feel free to do a quick google search of that word. If you believe you know what you’re talking about, then you do…even when you don’t.

 

And remember the designer’s collection is never cute, it’s always chic.

 

 

  1. Know who you’re wearing…or lie about it.

 

Tag checks are necessary event prep. My dress was Free People, and I was not too proud to ask a stranger on the subway to verify. A little black dress can be Forever 21 or Herve Leger, the choice is yours. And DO NOT, I proceed DO NOT wear fake ish…

 

That is, unless you have a really good knock off and all the seams line up.

 

 

  1. I’m on the list, Bih.

 

Do remember it’s a dog eat dog world, if you don’t skip the line someone else will, and your feet will continue to throb in those spawn of the devil pointy-toed Manolo Blahnik, i.e. mission “get to the front” is always in motion.

 

SN: if you believe you’re on the list and proceed to tell it to the frazzled girl at the door a total of 28 times, then you just might end up on the list.

 

All in all, the major key to my survival guide is to not take yourself too serious. Fashion celebrates our uniqueness and personal style.  My advice during fashion week is to remember to be who you are and have fun while doing it, otherwise what’s the point!

 

A Social Satire.

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